‘Tis the Season to be jolly, so we thought it was time for a laugh.

Here are some funny jokes about project management we came across. We’d love to see your contribution. 

• Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn’t have to do it himself.
• Any project can be estimated accurately (once it’s completed).
• At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.
• Too few people on a project can’t solve the problems – too many create more problems than they solve.
• I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.
• A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
• Good estimators aren’t modest: if it’s huge they say so.
• A little project management saves a lot of fan cleaning.
• If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, you haven’t understood the plan.
• When all’s said and done a lot more is said than done.
• The more you plan the luckier you get.
• The most valuable and least used word in a project manager’s vocabulary is “NO”.
• A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more.
• The sooner you get behind schedule, the more time you have to make it up.
• A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected – a well planned project only twice as long as expected.
• If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
• Schedules are made to be broken.
• Work expands to fill the Time. Cost expands to meet the Budget.
• Today you idiot proof it…tomorrow a new and improved idiot arrives.
• If you can’t convince them, then confuse them.
• The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90%.
• Your inability to plan is not my emergency.
• Re-establish work/life balance – begin a new crisis at home.
• The only certainty in a project is uncertainty.
• I’m going on a time management course… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.
• The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
• On time, on budget, on spec – pick 2.